Jen Hathaway

Mm-hmm. I should be doing any number of other things - the dishes, wrapping christmas presents, baking cookies - but, nope. I'd rather ramble on my LiveJournal, so *sticks tongue out like a bratty two-year-old* that's what I'm gonna do.

I think my last post here was about NaNoWriMo - which turned into NaNoWriNO. I ended up giving up. It's been over a month and I'm still kind of pissed at myself, but I just got so far behind that I was stressing so much I couldn't write. I'd make progress of a thousand words or so and realize "oh, I'm still 10k behind." So, in an effort to destress my life (which seems to be all I DO lately) I just threw in the towel. I got about 12k into one story, then switched gears and started a different one, got 3500 words in and THAT wasn't working either, so - bleh.

I haven't really done any significant writing since, either, and that needs to stop. I need to get back into it. I've put too much work into writing in the past year to stall now. But, I've been thinking about it the past couple days, and I think part of my attitude problem with my writing is that I don't feel like I've made any significant improvements in my skills - obviously just practice will garner some improvement, but I haven't put any real effort into bettering myself as a writer. Part of that is because I'm not sure what areas I really need to work on - it's a hard thing to see the faults in your own work, even when you're willing and driven to do the work to improve.

So I think my goal in the coming year is going to be to work through some of the writing books I have. A few months ago I found a used copy of one book in a series called "Write Great Fiction" - sounds lame, I know, but the techniques and exercises (at least in the first chapter I read) made a lot of sense to me. I ended up ordering two more from the series with a gift card I had, so now I have "Description & Setting", "Characters, Emotion & Viewpoint", and "Plot & Structure". So I think I'm going to work through those books and see what I can learn, what I can improve on. I may post the exercises I write here - not sure. Maybe I can turn some of them into SPN fic to keep them within my current interest/obsession. Who knows. But 2017 is going to be the year of study for me. And I'm going to try my damnedest to stick to my personal goal of writing at least 500 words every day.

Speaking of obsessions....
Eyewitness?
HOLY CRAP!
Not only did that show feed my fetish for pretty boys kissing, but the story! The characters!
With only 10 episodes, I kind of feel like it's the television equivalent of a short story - and a damn well-done one at that. There were a few loose ends/inconsistencies (like - what happened to Kamilah? And - how did Ryan know to look for the frying pan Lukas hit him with? It was in the woods, at night - how the hell did he find it with what I'm sure was a pretty decent concussion?) but overall, it was just a beautifully woven story with such vivid, dynamic characters and I just loved every minute of it!

At this point I've watched it probably 7 or 8 times - and I'm sure I'll purchase it at some point so I can always have it. (Hopefully it will be released on DVD? I really would love to add it to my collection.) At any rate - I love it. If you haven't seen it, I highly recommend it. (And hey, it's only 10 episodes, so it's not too much of a time suck, right? Right.)

Christmas is just two days away and I'm actually dreading it. Which kind of sucks, because I used to love Christmas. I didn't even put up my tree this year! I know there's still time, but - really, what's the point? It's just me, I rarely have guests (and especially not this time of year) so I'd just be putting it up for a week or two of yelling at my cat to leave the ornaments alone.

I'm dreading Christmas day - family time. It's a strange thing that the older I get, the more I come to know myself, and the more I dislike my family and the way they treat people. There's this general air of unacceptance of anything outside of the "norm" and I'm just generally more and more intolerant of it. And it's not even that I lead any sort of alternative lifestyle - thank goodness because I can't imagine how that would go over - but I constantly feel judged just because I don't do things the way they think they should be done. Just because I have no desire to follow the typical life path they are comfortable with. So, time with family will be spent treading water, giving civil but terse responses to any questions posed to me, otherwise staying quiet and probably drinking a lot of whiskey. At this point even the fact that I'm expected to be there pisses me off - what if I didn't want to celebrate christmas? I'm not christian, so the standard religious conotations of the holiday bear no import to me. I used to consider myself pagan, and the celebration of the changing of the seasons and the rebirth of the sun made sense to me - but now? I don't even find any joy in that, so what's the point in celebrating this holiday? It's a completely secular event for me which only comes with obligations that I begrudgingly fulfill. (Yeah, I kind of sound a bit like a petulant, rebellious teenager here, huh? Guess I'll just do what I do - suck it up and deal until it's over.)

Well, THAT got whiny and depressing. On to more positive things!

I've been listening to Kaleo pretty much non-stop lately. (Thank you, Jared and Jensen, for putting them on my radar!) I'm not sure what it is about the album, but it's pretty damn happy-making for me. I don't think I've even really listened to the lyrics of the songs (something I unfortunately rarely do) but the music just gets me. It's mellow without being either depressing or sappy - it's just chill and I love that. Again, I highly recommend it - if you haven't had a listen yet, give it a search on YouTube (the albumn is called A/B - there are a few artists called Kaleo - this one only has this one album.).

Alright, I suppose that's all I have to ramble on about for now. If you've made it this far - you deserve a cookie! (Everyone deserves a cookie!) I'm off to do - something. Productive. Probably. Maybe.

Pre-post edit: I just spent half an hour scrolling through twitter when I got distracted while reading through this for typos. The procrastination force is strong with me!

It's that time of year. No, not Halloween (though, Happy Halloween!). Not Thanksgiving or Christmas. Screw all those traditional holidays. I'm celebrating the month-long holiday where writers across the world embrace their insanity and write 50,000 words in 30 days. Yup, I'm doing it again. NaNoWriMo will consume my life for the next month (and I can't wait!).

( Read more... )

I mentioned in yesterday's post that dancing_adrift sent me a birthday card with artwork by dephigravity - I went out today for a frame for it! Haven't put it on the wall yet, because my little section of SPN Love doesn't really have any more room, so I'm going to have to rearrange some things - but here it is! *infinite heart eyes*



I certainly have a soft spot for kissing boys - and this art makes me so happy! <3 Thanks, Amanda!

Well, you knew it was just a matter of time.
It was inevitable.
Had to happen.

Today's happy? J2.



Whether it's watching Supernatural, gag reels, con videos, or reading (and writing) fanfic, these two beautiful, sexy, goofy dorks make me smile.

As I mentioned yesterday, it's been a rough couple of days for me. I do whatever I can to pull myself out of these episodes of deep depression, if one thing doesn't work I move on and try another. Today (while I was supposed to be working...shhhh!) I tried watching the videos from Dallas con. It had me laughing out loud, and after a long weekend of feeling so down I could barely get out of bed, that felt really fucking good. It lifted my spirits enough that I was able to go for a walk after work, and the fresh air and excercise improved my mood even more. So things are looking up, and J2 helped.

(The new CW sizzle reel with them "comparing swords" didn't hurt matters, either - still giggling about that one!)

Another easy one today.

Writing is my happy place!!!

After yesterday's autumn love-fest, I was talking to friends about how much we all love fall, and today was the FIRST DAY of fall, and there were google doodles and fall-themed Jared aesthetics, and the whole thing just gave me the fanfic feels. I just got this neeeeeeed to write beautiful boys cuddling under a big maple tree with bright orange leaves all around them and the sun filtering through and *swooooooons*

So, yeah - I've written about 2000 words of a mini-story, it'll probably wind up somewhere around 3-4k words (which is an odd length for me, I usually write one-scene ficlets that are about 1k, or full stories that are 10k on up - this one's totally different!). I'll hopefully finish that tomorrow, edit over the weekend, so there should be new fic posted from me soon! Woohoo!

But yeah, writing is so my happy place. I love the way my brain latches on to an image or a story premise, and doesn't let go until I've worked it out to a full-fledged idea. I love the a-ha moment when it all comes together in my head. I love starting to write, those first, tentative sentences flowing out onto the screen, then I pause and re-read, make a few adjustments to get the engine going then all of a sudden I'm off and the words are flowing, my fingers flying over the keyboard, and before I know it I've gotten a full page written with characters starting to come to life and the scene set and things are starting to happen.

When I write, I have this calm focus that I don't have any other time. My brain shuts down all the chatter - all that negative self-talk, all the worry and wondering what if, all the memories of things past that I can't do anything about but my brain latches onto anyway. When I'm writing, it's just me and the story. It's an escape, a way of transporting myself into another world for a while, but unlike reading or watching movies or television, when I come back from that escape I have something to show for it. I've created this world, these characters, this story - and hopefully it's good, hopefully it's something other people will want to read and get some enjoyment from. Because if I need to escape the world I live in for a little while, shouldn't I want to do that in a way that might benefit others? In a way that gives other people the same kind of escape that I need? Shouldn't there be something positive to come out of all the shit I have to deal with and fight all the time, something good from the way in which I deal with it? Yeah. I love writing. 

I almost forgot to do this today, which would be just like me - to start something all gung-ho and then drop it, not finish it. It's actually almost 2am, so technically it's already tomorrow, but whatever. I can't sleep and my mind is racing so I need to do something right now, and this just ended up being it.

I've actually thought about this several times throughout the day today, and I don't know whether it's just my current headspace or if it's really just this hard - but I had a terrible time coming up with something to write about. But then, laying in bed trying to sleep it hit me - right in the face with a huge DUH!

My friends. I am so grateful for them and I get so much happiness from the time I spend with them. I'm kind of socially awkward and tend to be quite shy, so the internet is the best social outlet for me - and I've been lucky enough to befriend two wonderful women who have accepted me - as I am, for who I am, no exceptions - and who have become very dear to me. I've never had such close friends before, and it amazes me on a daily basis. I just love them. Happily. *dorky grin*

I'm going to try to go to sleep now.

The Other Side of Fear (40141 words) by gluedwithgold
Chapters: 20/20
Fandom: Supernatural RPF
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Jensen Ackles/Jared Padalecki
Characters: Jensen Ackles, Jared Padalecki, Christian Kane, Chad Michael Murray, Danneel Harris, Genevieve Cortese
Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe, Photographer Jensen, Writer Jared, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Homophobia, Coming of Age, First Time, First Time Blow Jobs, Love, Falling In Love, Boys In Love, Kissing, Frottage, Blow Jobs, Shower Sex, Schmoop, Punk Jared, Punk Jensen, Tattoos, Piercings
Summary:

Jared has been waiting for years to get away from Texas so he can finally be who he really is. Jensen has been looking forward to finishing college and moving on with his life. When they wind up living together in the same dorm, they find out there's a much better way to live.

My plan for this weekend was simple. Really. I was going to write. I was going to spend the weekend with my laptop and challenge myself to see how many words I could pump out. It was going to be great.

Except.

I managed to catch a case of insomnia this past week, and by Friday night I was exhausted. I went to bed early knowing my brain was in no condition to function and put together coherent thoughts, but...guess what? Still couldn't sleep. I was up until 3 a.m. Thinking about writing. This one story idea I have just latched onto my brain and would not let go. If I had a brain recorder, that I could then download and convert into text? The damn story would be 3/4 finished by now.

I did end up getting about 5 hours of sleep, and though not totally rested, I decided to go ahead with the plan and write my weekend away. I schlepped myself out of bed and got dressed, went out to get some groceries (writers need nourishment!) then headed back home.

And then. There. On my doorstep. A package.

I was confused - I hadn't ordered anything, wasn't expecting anything but bills and junk mail.
I picked it up and looked at the return address - MY FRIENDS SENT ME A PACKAGE! WOOHOO!!

Seeing as they'd just been to Minn Con the previous weekend, I expected they'd picked up some cool SPN schwag for me - because they are awesome like that! So I began tearing at the envelope (enormous, padded envelope, stuffed full). Hacked at it with scissors, got frustrated as hell and started cursing - until I noticed the pull-tab on the side. I ripped it open and pull out... another damn padded envelope! But this one was easier to open, and soon I was sliding the contents out. There was a card, addressed to me with much love from Sammie and Amanda (heart-eyes - of course - I love those two so much!). I turned over the object in my hand... identify it as a picture frame... I look at the photo in it... Jared Padalecki! (more heart-eyes!) But then... what's that? Is that? NO! It can't be! OH MY GOD WHAT DID THEY DO????

THE FUCKING PHOTO IS SIGNED BY JARED PADALECKI!!!!!!!!!



My eyes immediately start tearing up, and my hands start shaking. My wonderful, beautiful, amazing friends got an autograph for me! I tear into the card - which turns out to be a beautiful artwork by dephigravity from a fic I adore - and read all about how they missed me and wanted me to be at the con with them, they had an extra autograph from a package they'd bought and decided they needed to give it to me! There was also the story of the autograph itself - including sweetness, smiles and gummy bears (heart-eyes!) and a mention of the back of the frame (which I'd not noticed yet) - I turned the frame over and there were more messages from my friends on the back of the photo. By the time I finished reading everything, I'm literally crying. This package was filled with so much love and friendship it just blew me away!

You see, I am not "one of the popular kids" - I'm socially anxious and shy, which makes me pretty awkward, I tend to be very introverted as well as pretty closed off. I just don't connect with people. I don't create the bonds with other folks that make them miss me or think about me when I'm not around. So, even though I'm nearly 44 years old, this is the first time anyone has ever done something so meaningful for me. I connect with these two women on a deeper level than I have with anyone I've considered a friend before - the only comparable person in my life is my sister. It's fucking amazing.

So why am I blathering on about this on the internet? Because this is a perfect example of the power of the SPN Family, of fandom. People say you can't really make friends on the internet, that it's not real. Well, they're wrong. Through the internet, through the SPN Family, I have met true, absolutely amazing friends. I love them with my whole heart. They bring me joy every day, I am a better person for having them in my life, I like myself (dare I say - love myself?) more because of them. They give me inspiration, comfort, laughter, and always, always love.

So, thank you, dancing_adrift and non_tiembo_mala. Thank you for being you. Thank you for being amazing, wonderful, creative, funny, patient and kind. Thank you for loving me. I love you back a thousandfold. <3

So, needless to say, I didn't get much writing done this weekend - I was too busy squeeing and basking in the love of my friends. Although I am getting some words down tonight. Really! I am! I swear!


Top Left: Amanda and Sam; Bottom Left: Autographed photo of Jared Padalecki;
Top Right: card with artwork of Jared by dephigravity for dugindeep (hotsauce)'s Refracted

A remix of my previous ficlet post - much happier with this one!

What You Have to Lose {Remix} (1360 words) by gluedwithgold
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Supernatural
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Dean Winchester/Sam Winchester
Characters: Sam Winchester, Dean Winchester
Additional Tags: Wincest - Freeform, teen!chesters, Angsty Schmoop, College, Big Brother Dean, Little Brother Sam, Brother Feels, Ficlet
Summary:

Sam and Dean talk about college.