gluedwithgold: (Default)
*dusts off her LJ*

Yeah, I kind of dropped out for a while. But, I figure it's time to pull my head out of the sand and take a look around again.

Yup, I've been hiding from social media. I've been mourning.

Read more... )
gluedwithgold: (Default)
I mentioned in yesterday's post that [livejournal.com profile] dancing_adrift sent me a birthday card with artwork by dephigravity - I went out today for a frame for it! Haven't put it on the wall yet, because my little section of SPN Love doesn't really have any more room, so I'm going to have to rearrange some things - but here it is! *infinite heart eyes*



I certainly have a soft spot for kissing boys - and this art makes me so happy! <3 Thanks, Amanda!
gluedwithgold: (Default)
Well, you knew it was just a matter of time.
It was inevitable.
Had to happen.

Today's happy? J2.

CshrCvOVMAA0x-i.jpg

Whether it's watching Supernatural, gag reels, con videos, or reading (and writing) fanfic, these two beautiful, sexy, goofy dorks make me smile.

As I mentioned yesterday, it's been a rough couple of days for me. I do whatever I can to pull myself out of these episodes of deep depression, if one thing doesn't work I move on and try another. Today (while I was supposed to be working...shhhh!) I tried watching the videos from Dallas con. It had me laughing out loud, and after a long weekend of feeling so down I could barely get out of bed, that felt really fucking good. It lifted my spirits enough that I was able to go for a walk after work, and the fresh air and excercise improved my mood even more. So things are looking up, and J2 helped.

(The new CW sizzle reel with them "comparing swords" didn't hurt matters, either - still giggling about that one!)
gluedwithgold: (Default)
I almost forgot to do this today, which would be just like me - to start something all gung-ho and then drop it, not finish it. It's actually almost 2am, so technically it's already tomorrow, but whatever. I can't sleep and my mind is racing so I need to do something right now, and this just ended up being it.

I've actually thought about this several times throughout the day today, and I don't know whether it's just my current headspace or if it's really just this hard - but I had a terrible time coming up with something to write about. But then, laying in bed trying to sleep it hit me - right in the face with a huge DUH!

My friends. I am so grateful for them and I get so much happiness from the time I spend with them. I'm kind of socially awkward and tend to be quite shy, so the internet is the best social outlet for me - and I've been lucky enough to befriend two wonderful women who have accepted me - as I am, for who I am, no exceptions - and who have become very dear to me. I've never had such close friends before, and it amazes me on a daily basis. I just love them. Happily. *dorky grin*

I'm going to try to go to sleep now.
gluedwithgold: (Default)
My plan for this weekend was simple. Really. I was going to write. I was going to spend the weekend with my laptop and challenge myself to see how many words I could pump out. It was going to be great.

Except.

I managed to catch a case of insomnia this past week, and by Friday night I was exhausted. I went to bed early knowing my brain was in no condition to function and put together coherent thoughts, but...guess what? Still couldn't sleep. I was up until 3 a.m. Thinking about writing. This one story idea I have just latched onto my brain and would not let go. If I had a brain recorder, that I could then download and convert into text? The damn story would be 3/4 finished by now.

I did end up getting about 5 hours of sleep, and though not totally rested, I decided to go ahead with the plan and write my weekend away. I schlepped myself out of bed and got dressed, went out to get some groceries (writers need nourishment!) then headed back home.

And then. There. On my doorstep. A package.

I was confused - I hadn't ordered anything, wasn't expecting anything but bills and junk mail.
I picked it up and looked at the return address - MY FRIENDS SENT ME A PACKAGE! WOOHOO!!

Seeing as they'd just been to Minn Con the previous weekend, I expected they'd picked up some cool SPN schwag for me - because they are awesome like that! So I began tearing at the envelope (enormous, padded envelope, stuffed full). Hacked at it with scissors, got frustrated as hell and started cursing - until I noticed the pull-tab on the side. I ripped it open and pull out... another damn padded envelope! But this one was easier to open, and soon I was sliding the contents out. There was a card, addressed to me with much love from Sammie and Amanda (heart-eyes - of course - I love those two so much!). I turned over the object in my hand... identify it as a picture frame... I look at the photo in it... Jared Padalecki! (more heart-eyes!) But then... what's that? Is that? NO! It can't be! OH MY GOD WHAT DID THEY DO????

THE FUCKING PHOTO IS SIGNED BY JARED PADALECKI!!!!!!!!!



My eyes immediately start tearing up, and my hands start shaking. My wonderful, beautiful, amazing friends got an autograph for me! I tear into the card - which turns out to be a beautiful artwork by dephigravity from a fic I adore - and read all about how they missed me and wanted me to be at the con with them, they had an extra autograph from a package they'd bought and decided they needed to give it to me! There was also the story of the autograph itself - including sweetness, smiles and gummy bears (heart-eyes!) and a mention of the back of the frame (which I'd not noticed yet) - I turned the frame over and there were more messages from my friends on the back of the photo. By the time I finished reading everything, I'm literally crying. This package was filled with so much love and friendship it just blew me away!

You see, I am not "one of the popular kids" - I'm socially anxious and shy, which makes me pretty awkward, I tend to be very introverted as well as pretty closed off. I just don't connect with people. I don't create the bonds with other folks that make them miss me or think about me when I'm not around. So, even though I'm nearly 44 years old, this is the first time anyone has ever done something so meaningful for me. I connect with these two women on a deeper level than I have with anyone I've considered a friend before - the only comparable person in my life is my sister. It's fucking amazing.

So why am I blathering on about this on the internet? Because this is a perfect example of the power of the SPN Family, of fandom. People say you can't really make friends on the internet, that it's not real. Well, they're wrong. Through the internet, through the SPN Family, I have met true, absolutely amazing friends. I love them with my whole heart. They bring me joy every day, I am a better person for having them in my life, I like myself (dare I say - love myself?) more because of them. They give me inspiration, comfort, laughter, and always, always love.

So, thank you, [livejournal.com profile] dancing_adrift and [livejournal.com profile] non_tiembo_mala. Thank you for being you. Thank you for being amazing, wonderful, creative, funny, patient and kind. Thank you for loving me. I love you back a thousandfold. <3

So, needless to say, I didn't get much writing done this weekend - I was too busy squeeing and basking in the love of my friends. Although I am getting some words down tonight. Really! I am! I swear!


Top Left: Amanda and Sam; Bottom Left: Autographed photo of Jared Padalecki;
Top Right: card with artwork of Jared by dephigravity for dugindeep (hotsauce)'s Refracted

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