gluedwithgold: (Default)
I knowwwwwwwww! I didn't even make it a week straight before I dropped the ball.
But, I'm going to continue...it may be in fits and starts, but I'll get to 100!

Today's happy is...*drum roll*...happy birthday to me!

I get to do that, right? Right.

I've had a pretty good birthday! I got lots of love from my friends online, a sweet card from [livejournal.com profile] dancing_adrift with lovely artwork by dephigravity (kissing boys ftw!), and had yummy cake and ice cream with my family. Pretty low-key, but that's okay!

Sometimes I wish I had a big group of friends I could go out and celebrate with, but I kind of think that's more of what's expected, what's the norm, than what I would actually enjoy. I'm pretty low-key normally, so it really would be out of character for me to go out on the town or have a big party. I guess it's just a little crappy to feel lonely on your birthday, but - ehhh.

BUT - I'm starting a new year, and that's always kind of exciting. I'm thinking about some new goals to try to achieve in the next year, ways I can work toward improving myself. Goal setting is always something that gets me hyped up, spurs my motivation. I don't always achieve them all, but that's okay. I keep working on them, revise and revisit and eventually I'll get there! 
gluedwithgold: (Default)
Today's an easy one.
Autumn.
Autumn makes me happy.

It's not quite fully autumn yet, but it's getting close. As I drove to work this morning, there were more trees tinged with color, the valleys were filled with fog and the mountains had a shawl of low-hanging clouds that you just never see except in autumn.
I've always loved fall best. I was one of those kids who really loved school, so fall signalled the return to learning, new pencils and notebooks, and chilly early morning walks to school.

It's an odd thing, but I've always considered fall to be the start of the year. Even though everything is dying, that's when I seem to come alive, and that's when things feel renewed for me. I often make changes in my life in the fall, akin to new year's resolutions.

I sleep better once the days get shorter and the nights colder. I adore wrapping up in a cozy hoodie or sweater. I love the crunch of fallen leaves under my feet. The color palette of autumn pleases me to no end. The squirrels and chipmunks scurry around busily collecting stores for the winter. And the smell - there's nothing quite like the crisp, rustic scent of the air and leaves in the woods in autumn. *heart eyes*

So, yeah. Tomorrow is the autumnal equinox, and you can bet I'll be finding some time to be outside.

(Yes, this is in my town. No it's not my photo. But you're still jealous, aren't you?) ;-p
gluedwithgold: (Default)
So. I've seen this 100 Days of Happy floating around recently - a couple people I follow are doing it. Today I was discussing with my therapist the fact that I'm extremely hard on myself, which is a catalyst for my depression and anxiety. We talked about steps I could take to be a bit gentler with myself and switch my focus to positives as opposed to negatives. Since I'd seen this around, it came to mind and when I mentioned it, my therapist thought it was an excellent idea and urged me to try it (Yes, I'm in therapy, on antidepressants, and fight depression and anxiety every day - no shame!).

I did read up on the "official" challenge from the website (100 Happy Days), and while it's awesome, I'm going to make it my own. The original challenge is to post a photo each day - that doesn't work for me. I'd rather use words. I may use photos occassionally, but for me this is more about internal things, and being that I can't take pictures of my brain, I'll use my words instead. This also has nothing to do with being busy, which is what the original talks about. I live a pretty simple life - I go to work, love my cats, hang with my friends on the internet, read and write. I like my life, and I'm not one of those people who are driven to seek fame and fortune or to climb a corporate ladder - my measure of success is more about my relationships - with myself and others - than anything else. I won't be joining the website, and I won't be claiming "wins" or "losses" (that's one thing I have an issue with on the website - "you lose the challenge", "people who successfully complete the challenge" - that language is negative and defeatist, and I think misses the whole point of doing this). This is a therapeutic tool for me, a way to work on changing how I think - "fixing" that broken part of my brain that insists on trying to drag me down constantly. So - here goes.

Day 1
I am happy that I'm able to get the help I need.
I don't have good health insurance or expendable cash. I live paycheck to paycheck, so therapy becomes an "extra" for me. But there's a state-funded program that lets me see a therapist - usually once a month, occassionally more - for free. It's based on availability and demand, so if a time comes when there are other people who may be in crisis or worse off than I am seeking help, I may get bumped out of the program for a while, but for now it's working for me. I've been in and out of therapy since I was a teenager, sometimes stopping because I was doing well (or when I was younger because I didn't see the point of doing the work), sometimes because of financial reasons. I've been very lucky throughout my life to almost always have some kind of help available to me - sometimes it's been a huge struggle, sometimes it's been easier, but I've never gone very long without it when I really needed it. It's probably one of the main reasons I'm still here, still fighting. When I think of the "what if" - where I could potentially be right now if I didn't have help, it terrifies me. But I'm not there, I do have help - and that makes me happy.

February 2017

S M T W T F S
   1234
5678 91011
12131415161718
19202122232425
262728    

Syndicate

RSS Atom

Most Popular Tags

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated Jul. 24th, 2017 12:36 am
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios