Aug. 9th, 2016

gluedwithgold: (Default)
Actually, I should be working, but - working from home 3 days a week gives me far too much freedom to slack off (hey, I don't get paid enough for the work I do, I don't feel guilty!).

I keep thinking about last November when I participated in NaNoWriMo. I wrote 50k words in a month. My life was eat, breathe, sleep writing. It was awesome. Even when the words I spewed forth weren't all that great, I was at least getting them out. Which is odd, considering I hate deadlines. I signed up for a challenge here on LJ and wound up dropping out because I just couldn't handle knowing I HAD to write this specific thing by a specific time. I tried forcing it, but...it all came out crap. I started two stories for that challenge before I gave up. My heart just wasn't in it.

Then I dropped out and, just like in the movies, the heavens opened up, great beams of sunshine fell down while a chorus of angels sung - I was free! No longer was I chained to one story, I could write WHATEVER THE FUCK I WANTED TO WRITE! WOOHOO!

But...I'm not writing. I keep trying but it just won't flow. I get out two or three hundred words and my brain deflates like an untied balloon slipping from my fingers (farty sounds and all). What's up with that??

I know I'll get it back. I know I'll keep trying, keep putting my ass in the chair and my fingers on the keyboard and sooner or later the words will start spilling out onto the pages again. I'll finish my works in progress, I'll move on to other ideas. I'll get my confidence back. I'm too stubborn not to.

But right now? I'm kinda bummed. Because I want to write, I really, really do.

Maybe I need more coffee.................................

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